military aviation jokes
I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Yes, said the lieutenant. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Individual use is by implied consent. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. But I had the last laugh. 15. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. "They're all mine. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! There are many branches of the military. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. 9. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. St. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Now, lets try it again! You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. She also liked her scotch. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Ive been sandblasted.. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! SUB sandwiches! I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. ! Then came Dads ships turn. USMC: OHH! SUB sandwiches! As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. He nodded. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Soldier: No, SIR!. Me: Hello? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. ! Again, no reply. Why? I asked. She also liked her scotch. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. 1. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. 3. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. It was sheer brilliance. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? 11. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! What happened Sergeant? ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". 39. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Me: No. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Dad got quiet. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Why Do We Celebrate It? Did it work? !" Marine: "Wait, stop. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Read more. Proceed at your own risk. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. I was the tallest guy in line. We recommend our users to update the browser. Military jokes! While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. In-dough-structible 1. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? The INFANTry! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Soldier: Sure, buddy. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Fish Food. They cant seem to string three Ws together. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. 10. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. 66. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. Decodes 7. Looking for military boot camp jokes? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. I'm impressed! I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. 8. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. 7. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. 34. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Do you want to hear about my plane?. I say again, stand down and divert your course. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. And )second Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. The other replied, Not me! The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. So I quit ordering it.. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. He nodded. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! It was PRIVATE. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Killed bin Laden. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! 38. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. You had tents?" Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Rodrigues? To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . 33. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. The Marine said Are you crazy? Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. USA: Choppers (Hang up. He says, Anyway, enough about me. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? It helps to keep the pilot cool. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. At least SEVEN Cs! Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! What do hungry Marines eat? A PETTY officer! 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. [Answered]. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. As A.J. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Learn from the mistakes of others. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? . If you cant pick it up, paint it. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. 37. Aviation Humor. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. 2. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. 13. Auld Lang Slice Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. 44. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. A LOOtenant! It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. Caller: Sgt. This site contains affiliate links. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Return to Humor Index. Did it work? DeFrigNo! Why Do We Celebrate It? Heres what they came up with: The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. How old are you? a tenant asked. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Pizza de Resistance During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Eternal Piece Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Dont think so? We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. The c.i.a. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. She told me she warships them. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Divert your course NOW! I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. We were a tough group. R-i-i-ing!) We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. They bagged six. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 1. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Aircraft Engineers 1. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot.
