my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore
Maybe have her read what you have posted here so she can see your pain all laid out with no interruptions like conversations can have when 2 people are both upset and talk at the same time. Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? That had bee. Is like 5 times a year.! He doesnt even like to kiss. Got thru menopause with that help. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that horror of horrors you may be bad in bed. You and your husband need to take some hours to reconnect, or try to reconnect, with the people you believe yourself to have been when you first fell in love with each other. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? . I have a similar problem but my situation is somewhat different as I am not on a lot of meds, and I am not unhappy with my life as an individual, but with my husband well, yes I kind of am unhappy with that aspect of my life. If shes not in the mood neither am I . As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. To some it may even taste nasty. These promises went on for three years and sex dwindled to once a week, once a month then stopped altogether. there is NO physical connection PLUS no sex. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. When your husband keeps getting fired and he sits on the computer all day and rarely does anything around the house but bitches and complains about this or that and he puts you down and calls you names. How should I phrase it? My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. Once the children appeared on the scene I would never have done anything that would risk us splitting up. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! Sometimes I wish he would go. Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. . Why would he ever have too? Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. If your wife never initiates sex, its time to bring out your inner charmer and start romancing your wife. She is against the idea of therapy. I am not the same, never will be. I suggest to you what I advised Frustrated see a therapist right away. Nothing physical. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. It will make you horny as hell, however. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. She is unhappy with your lack of hygiene, 12. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. If us men were all so lucky! She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. Someday I might take a sex vacation overseas. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. That was 28 years ago. He decided hed have an affair. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. I hear you bro. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. We know right form wrong. . Sounds like case of no money no honey. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. He never smiles? This isn't a tit-for-tat sort of thing, though. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. I wont lecture: youve all read about it. I like to think there is hope but unsure. 57mwm here. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. But how does that viewpoint help you find happiness in life? Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. No human being should dominate another person. He is older than I am but even when we were younger, he was like that. She will not go to any therapy. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. Then, I got a highly aggressive, estrogen- fired breast cancer. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. Wow! , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. Married 50years and our sex life never really got going. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. Thomas, I agree! The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. But for women, its quite different. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. I just dont get it. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Most men do their deed and roll over. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. Also from a masculine point view primordial guttural sex that is still controlled contributes to female orgasim. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. 1. Suffice it to say I got cut off when she started affairs with 3 other guys. So I explained this to her and said if she cannot work it out with me I would have to find some other way. Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling. I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. Also, expand your definition of sex. Before I married my second wife, Vicky told me she made a terrible mistake, still loves me and wanted back. Do this consistently, eat a mostly protein based diet and cut out sugar for 6 months and report back. Loved and desired! 2. I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. That killed it for me. I think Im in love and theres no turning back. If thats the reason why your wife avoids intimacy, you have to drive home the importance of intimacy between a couple for a happy, healthy marriage. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. Im guessing because you are complaining that your 59 year old husband is fat, lazy, snores and is demanding is the reason you dont have sex anymore? She didnt. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. . Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. Great but no sex at 69. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. Harley If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. * PLATFORM OR CMS. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. I totally understand how lingering issues in a relationship make it ridiculously hard to want to have sex. Even before this, she told me she does not want to nor have any desire for sex or intimacy with me or anyone. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? Hello Hawkeye Will: I was very disturbed to read your post. Not addressing the problem out of fear of confrontation will only make matters worse. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Yeah. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. Nope. Thank you, Harry. our sense of what is expected . But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship.
