still sad 10 years after divorce

He aluded to not being happy This is not the life I wanted etc. This article resonates every sentiment I feel. My heart is breaking. You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts. I have spoken to a lawyer and have all the supporting information. Concentrate on investments that would help you work out what is best for you and stop being obsessed about your ex-partner. I have adult children and yes, they have their own lives. We didnt have children but were together almost 20 years, and Ive been separated almost 8 years. He has seen me in a good, solid, happy relationship for several years now, and while life isnt without its challenges, in general, I have no complaints. It's over between Real Housewives of Atlanta star Drew Sidora and Ralph Pittman. We were supposed to do this together. It is nice to know there are others out there besides me. You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts. As others, I am so glad I found this article, and reading the comments I now realise I am not being stupid. I am with a wonderful man now and I am happy, and still sad too. It's easy to slip into dramatic self-pity mode when you're the one left behind, just as it was in my divorce. It's a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and you can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after you and your former partner have split. That can mean journaling, taking warm baths, breathing fresh air, eating good food,. It is 14 years since he walked out on 30 years of being together, 29 of those married, and he is now married to the woman he had the affair with. The process of divorce brings forth a torrent of pain, anger and cruelty, the detritus of which still hangs over me like a cloud. The day before what would have been our 40th wedding anniversary he sent me an apology for the way he treated me, and brought up the anniversary I cannot think why as he was married to her, so why mention it. Three kids and 15 years later we divorced. after 5 years the pain I think is worse . As a man who was left behind almost 6 years ago and has been parallel parenting two daughters since, I will simply say that I identify with what you wrote. There is so much I can be happy about now. Dwelling on what you should have done. ", I also have no contact. So.i take some comfort from the fact that others feel this way as well. The final dagger was my grandparents will 23 years ago (which I had forgotten, never thinking anything like this would happen) giving me 20 acres of land in Indiana, inheritance is not included in divorce settlement. Being the spouse left behind hurts tremendously. When one of my kids remarked that he thought there was a profound sadness in me, I was taken aback. We just needed to voice our shared experience. I somewhat relate to you (except that my 2 adult kids do see reality and stand by my side, and at the same time love their dad, which is better for their own well being). It doesnt undo the bittersweet clarity that when I look into my sons faces, I see my dad (long deceased) and my exs mother (whom I once loved), both of whom are no longer in my life. We had two teenagers a mortgage, a good life I thought. With both of us attending 2 of our childrens graduations, the sadness creeped up on me and has been lingering. The marriage deteriorated. The thought of having to spend the little money I have to defend myself against a frivolous lawsuit is killing me. I had so many changes to adjust to. Moving on after divorce is hard when all you do is live the past instead of the present. That includes old school values like honoring commitments, following through on responsibilities, working through issues rather than walking away. Many subsequent marriage proposals when younger but no remarriage. I am finding it impossible to truly heal from the breakdown of my marriage and family. The article is dead on. I became a shell of a person. I wa interested in this website. I didnt think it would affect me but, it has. You choose to leave now leave me alone. Do not bad mouth your partner to your children or your friends; this will only act as a catalyst to increase your anger. I have tried to date, but it never works out. Why rock my boat. Pain can coexist with happiness. Its like I never existed, shared so many things together. She took the house, my business, my kids my heart and happiness. In the dream, I'm still married to my ex-husband; we are fighting and he's getting ready to move out. 1. You may have stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time because you were afraid of dealing with the changes that splitting up forces upon you. I have tried to console myself by saying, "leaving my ex was the most compassionate thing I could do since he deserved to be desired by someone". But that is life I am told and at 49 years old, starting over dirt poor and broken is not ideal. Thank you for this. Although my ex did apologize, he never really clarified WHY he left. Obviously the grass is greener wasnt that green. We are none of us any one thing. Shelia sorry to hear about your story. If you were meant to be with him you would be. We were together about 12 yrs all together, until I was 30. joanne. Perfectly said. The main reason as to why this is experienced in the lives of people who have separated is because of the good memories that were shared while in marriage, the obstacles that they overcame make people still the hurt and especially if they have a challenge that needs a partner to step in and support. I think my circumstances are different than the norm because my ex-wife didnt leave because something was wrong with us. I am fairly young (late-30s), and I still feel that I want children. I feel I was used long enough to help her get her Masters degree and pay bills then I was no longer needed. Peace to you all. As time goes on, there are less and less bad days, and more good ones . A lot of it hit home with me. Through much pain and even more growth, Ive built a wonderful new life for myself, but I still grieve sometimes for what was lost. We spoke to 12 men about life after divorce. Other people here have shown me that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel, and I cannot thank you all enough for that. I thought is wasnt normal to still feel guilty 10 years later. Many times people start dating immediately while healing has not taken place making them suffer even more. He took the get out of parenting free card. I am so sickened by the whole thing, and so, so sad. I wonder if my ex ever feels the way you do it would be a crumb of comfort but not anything remotely triumphant that he may be suffering. Trying to still piece together some normalcy with my grown daughters and now my 2 wonderful But the empty presence has never gone for me I was 51 when he left and I have no trust to even think of a new partner. We must live with the choices we made and carry on, I dont feel bitter just very sad x, Yes, that is exactly what we & countless others must do. But thats good, hes learning from his father, its ok to feel certain emotions, no matter how much time has passed. I feel bad for my children always going in 2 directions and not having the support fatigue. I had an amicable split, ex was unhappy & I miss him & the good times and I Harbor so much guilt for not being the wife I should've been. If you happen to go beyond such, then it will be presumed as the marriage was still in existence, and whatever abuse was there will always remain, and the pain of divorce at this point will never go away. 20. People wait an average of three years after a divorce to remarry (if they remarry at all). My pain stems from a few things, pain left over from childhood (which I believe we all have to some degree) and pain from him leaving me without any real (as I saw it) truth for me to keep. She up and decided one day she no longer wanted to be married to me or anyone for that matter. I will search for a gentler and more compassionate website. It becomes manageable, but thats about it. After a divorce, you're going to cycle through a spectrum of emotions and more than just sadness or jubilation. It just goes down and down. All in all, I am at a standstill. 11. As parents of a "broken home," my ex and I know in our hearts that we did as best as we could for as long as we could, but in the end, it didn't work. Six years later I still grieve how my family was split up. I still do it 4.5 years later. I think it just fine to feel it even years later despite moving on in many respects. I have really enjoyed reading everyones story and I realise now that I am very normal 10 years on. 6-12 years. That awful truth of divorce brings depression, devastation and a feeling of despair that we have never experienced and is hard to explain. While I respect and have empathy for the commentors (and wriiter) who have found another partner and know that this does not eradicate their pain I cannot help but wonder why not me? But, in doing so I destroyed all respect for my Ex. Thank you again for sharing your stories. Divorce is hard on everyone. While I am not a mom, I am a dad. Every holiday my daughters have to divide the holidays, not just between us and in-laws, but us and the other us and the in-laws. "@type": "Answer", I am grateful that the man in my life sees my joy and hears my laughter; these are qualities in our life together that are our normal. (How great is that?) Anyway, I saved the article to read and reread, and I hope I will get to the point where I do not miss the man any longer. I would say it was my fault she left for sure but she never would stay and go to counseling with me she just walked. People can continue hurting because of the communications they still have after dissolving the marriage. Personally, I consider these realizations to be hard-won wisdom. 21. At the 10-year mark, 90% of the women and 70% of the men still felt that the divorce was the right decision. My goals and dreams have suffered. I highly suggest a good therapist to help you. You have summed up my sentiments towards my ex as if I had typed this out! And, you can still love someone else, in spite of what you feel for her. You might feel disconnected or sad, even if you wanted the relationship to end. Allow Yourself to Be Jealous. Perhaps it arises on those occasions that invariably spark old memories. Shared custody, full custody, whatever custody a parent is granted; theres a brokeness that will never be repaired. Are you a parent who's separated divorced Or NEVER-MARRIED ? Im 10 years on 51 and theres a very deep profound sadnesshurt. I hate to think I will live and hurt the rest of my life like this, I just love her !! My ex gave up her life,family and friends in another country to marry me 30 years ago. Give yourself time to heal and recover from the pains of being apart. But thats good, hes learning from his father, its ok to feel certain emotions, no matter how much time has passed. Divorce can be hard on children but, equally, so can watching parents fight and endure a loveless marriage "for the sake of the kids.". Transformational Coaching and Psychotherapy, Benjamin Schwarcz, MFT, ACAP-EFT, Santa Rosa Psychotherapist and Coach, Psychedelic Somatic Interactional Psychotherapy, EFT Clinical Consultation for Health Professionals, Tapping Into Joy: Meridian Tapping and Mindfulness for Depression.

still sad 10 years after divorce

still sad 10 years after divorce

still sad 10 years after divorcehow old is geraldo rivera and his wife